Not Afraid of Fear Itself

There is a certain comfort in having one's fear realized. Such an experience confirms that your anxiety was rational, not paranoid, and it can also breach a defense that would be tiring to maintain. Last night I really revealed my inexperience and uncertainty, but at the same time freed myself to take up a learner's role without pretense or reservations.

Since I first considered taking carpentry class, I knew I would struggle with measuring and math. Of course, I do these things every day! But, at home, there is no embarrassment in measuring, remeasuring, re-remeasuring, and drawing a dozen diagonal lines on a 2x4 to gradually discern a right angle. Additionally, one of my worst math skills is subtracting with fractions - Good God, let there be metrics! - which was revealed to be a core competency required for last night's project, and for the whole practice of carpentry in North America.

In a week, this little board will feature a box joint, blind mortise, through mortise, hinge recess, dado joint and rabbet!

As I also feared, many of my classmates - especially the guys - had great skills for mentally manipulating quantities and shapes, without doing any real math at all. As I wasted time converting mixed numbers into fractions, and working out Least Common Denominators (remember those?!), the students around me were blithely laying out the exercise with nothing more than intuition and a combination square.

Another fear I have long possessed - I am evidently a worry wart - is touching any sort of blade. When the Instructor demonstrated use of hand saws, he indicated the use of a knuckle to keep the blade perpendicular to the board. This echoes a cooking advice that I have long eschewed, probably owing to a bloody squash-chopping accident in my youth.

I have always believed that I slice, julienne and brunoise just fine in my own super-safe if somewhat slow manner. But, I have long known the day would arrive when I would have to learn how to comfortably use my knuckles to guide a cutting tool. That day was yesterday, and perhaps I was cheating by wearing gloves the entire time, but at least I saw and felt how easy and helpful this technique can be. I am also very happy with my gloves, which are sleek, black, futuristic and very masculine - borderline fetishistic.

So, now I am somewhat more comfortable as a pure student and novice, and also proud of my careful measurements and my relaxed confidence using the hand saws.

I am also going to be more confident shopping for lumber now, knowing what various suppliers offer (lumber yard vs. big-box hardware store), how lumber is priced, and what defects to watch for. I now know the difference between a crack, a split and a check. I know the five grades of plywood, and what the abbreviations OSB, LVL and CDX stand for. I also know the difference between a rip-cutting saw and a cross-cutting saw. And, most vitally, that rip means a cut with the grain! I could quit now and be quite satisfied with tuition well spent.