White Board White Noise

So the lecture portion of our first class meeting contained nuggets of great Value embedded in a matrix of Totally Boring.

This is neither surprising nor disappointing - it is always difficult to get a class going from zero. Then again, our instructor introduced himself only by saying, "I've been doing this for 30 years, and this is my full-time job." So, one might have imagined he'd be very prepared to make our first night especially rewarding and engaging. (On the other hand, he seems to be hoping for some attrition, as our 25-member class is somewhat too large for the workshop space.)

When I was in college, I taught my first classes (adult religious education, if you must know), and my very wise mentor gave me this advice: the first thing you can tell people is the location of the restroom. They will be more at ease. And you will have started on the right foot, by saying with confidence a thing that you know for sure!

Last night's lecture focused on wood - types of wood, measuring wood, issues related to wood quality, and how/where to buy it.



First, we learned about trees. I shouldn't say, "learned." I should say, "heard." We heard about trees. We heard an almost fantastical story about tree anatomy and physiology, and how it relates to the siting of septic tanks!

More instructively, though, we learned that moisture is perhaps the most important issue relating to wood, as it affects the immutable properties of the material (soft vs. hard, for example) as well as the buying and handling of lumber. For example, do you have two or three weeks to wait for your "slabbed out" walnut boards to finish drying out before you use them?

We learned about milling and grain. Most wood that is available on the retail market is "slab cut," which means a log is simply passed through a row of parallel blades, so the grain and quality of each board is entirely different. The more expensive and rare kind of lumber is "quarter sawn," which means the boards are cut out individually along the radii of the tree rings. Consequently, they are very consistent in grain, and very stable. You will not find quarter-sawn lumber at Home Depot.

Finally, we reviewed basic math - how to calculate the volume of wood in "board feet." Our instructor taught us a little math "trick" which was both obvious and laughably incomplete in the telling.

I recap all this content simply to say: It was a mixed bag. The accurate and important lessons were extremely valuable, though very brief. The inaccurate and bizarre parts were at least amusing. But, most of the 90-minute lecture time was white noise. The syllabus looks intensive (Sill plates! Girders and beams!), so I expect future lectures to be more challenging and engaging.